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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148903">Weep Not For The Memories</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianowriter/pseuds/lucianowriter'>lucianowriter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Schitt's Creek</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acceptance of Death and Dying, Alzheimer's Disease, Angst, Bittersweet, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Role Reversal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:21:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucianowriter/pseuds/lucianowriter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>David and Patrick are in their late 50s when a diagnosis rocks their world and their relationship. David learns how to step up and be the take-charge person for the first time ever and how to lean on the ones he loves to help him during his time of need. Patrick learns to let go and let David be the one to take care of him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Patrick Brewer/David Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>116</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, my beloved fans. I know it has been months since I have written anything. I promise that I am now back -- until my brain decides to take a hiatus again. </p><p>This fic came out of all the pain I have suffered with my family during this neverending year. I lost three major family members within four months and it's been an uphill battle. However, through it all the dynamic I have with my mother has changed. I've had to be a bit like her caretaker at times instead of the other way around. From that thought process came this fic idea.</p><p>It will not be a happy one, however, there will be unlimited amounts of love and support throughout this whole journey. David will slowly come to accept that Patrick won't ever get better and that journey is in itself beautifully bittersweet. I just hope that you guys are okay with my vision and are willing to come on this journey with me and these characters we love.</p><p>Thank you!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>"David, I don't really know why you insisted I make this appointment. I'm not sick." Patrick groused as they sit in the uncomfortable doctor's office lobby chairs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Because you are only 56 and you forgot your mom's birthday," David answers without looking up from a six-month-old copy of Vogue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"So. People forget birthdays all the time." Patrick counters, biting his lip because doctors make him nervous.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Sure. People do. YOU don't. You live for that stuff. Besides you couldn't remember our address for that tax form last week." David turns the page and stares at an image of some model wearing an outlandish skirt. Patrick smirks knowing his husband would soon be scouring the internet for that exact skirt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"I'm getting older, David. It comes with the territory." Patrick sighs and runs a nervous hand through his really short hair. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Maybe, please just humor me. Ok?" David finally looks up and grabs Patrick's hand to give it a squeeze. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Fine." Patrick relents just as a nurse comes out and announces his name.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick lets out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Without a word, David grabs his hand again and grips his arm with his free hand. The touch grounds Patrick and makes him feel like he could do anything, handle anything this doctor might throw at them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They are directed to a typical exam room only instead of there being the same chairs as the lobby there are cushions on the seats. Patrick chuckles to himself and shakes his head — as if a little cushion under your butt will protect you from the bad news. He sat in the chair across from the desk in the corner. He wants to put space between him and that small voice in the back of his head that said David’s concern isn’t unfounded. Patrick is never one to misplace things, but in the past month he’s lost his keys at least once every other day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>David takes the chair next to the desk, but in a moment of comfort and solidarity, he moves it to be right next to Patrick. Patrick knows that David is worried sick and yet he appears the picture of assured calm. They grip onto each other's hand for dear life — a lifeline grounding them, preventing them from slipping into the dark pit of negative thoughts. This is how the kind-faced doctor finds them when she enters the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good Afternoon, Patrick. My name is Dr. Cole. It says here you are concerned about your memory?” She sits down into the doctor's chair and faces them with a plastered on smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick can’t find the words so instead, he just nods, gripping David even tighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay. I am going to give you three words and I want you to remember them. I’ll ask you what they are right before we leave here today. Sound good?” She grabs her stethoscope and slowly stands up without taking her eye off of Patrick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Patrick answered in a small voice, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Y-Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ok, the words are ball, tree, and house.” Dr. Cole stated as she checked Patrick’s breathing and heart rate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick looked at David and silently begged him to help him remember the three words that were already starting to fade from his memory. Patrick hated failing tests and so he focused his brain on the three words: ball, house, and what was it? Oh yeah, tree.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was so concentrated on remembering the words he didn’t hear Dr. Cole when she addressed him again. David’s hand on his cheek gently brought him back and he looked into the milky brown eyes of the one person who loved him more than anything else in this world. Those eyes could calm any storm within his brain and had on multiple occasions over the last twenty-five years. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. What did you say?” Patrick tore his eyes from David and directly addressed Dr. Cole who was once again sitting in the doctor's chair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I asked if you have been experiencing any headaches.” Dr. Cole repeated in a voice that told Patrick she wasn’t judging him at all. She was kind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Umm. Not really. Just occasionally if I’ve been staring at our books for too long, but I’ve had those for years.” Patrick but his lip nervously. He couldn’t help thinking this was a bad thing to admit to.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>David gives him a soft kiss on the cheek and his grip on Patrick’s arm becomes even more present with each new question Dr. Cole asks. It helps keep Patrick from breaking down. Each time he gives her an answer it seems as though she writes a novel down in her notes. His head wants to run through each worst-case scenario. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Great, now what were those three words I gave you when we started?” Dr. Cole gives him a sweet smile and waits for him to respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick panics a bit and his brain shuts completely down. He knows that he should have kept his mind more focused on those words. He’s a complete failure and now everyone is going to know it too. Patrick can feel himself spiraling when the warmth of David’s hand in his brings him back down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Think of the three words she gave you. I love you.” David whispers against his ear in the guise of kissing him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Right. The three words. David believed in him. He could do this. Those three words. Only he couldn’t remember any of them. Shit. Fuck. He racked his brain and came back with ball and field. That must be two of them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ball, field, house,” Patrick says. He’s not entirely confident in his answers, but Dr. Cole doesn’t act discouraged by them so he assumes he did okay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patrick, I know this is a stressful day. But I reassure you you’re doing great. Just a few more questions. I know this is scary, but I’m here to help you.” Dr. Cole reaches out and touches his shoulder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick takes a deep breath and nods.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ok, now finally can you describe what concerns brought you in here today?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick looked at David again for a burst of strength and then responded after flashing him a smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I forgot my mom’s birthday last week. I never forget anyone’s birthday. And then the next day I couldn’t remember our address on a tax form I was filling out.” Patrick looks down at his shoes, too embarrassed to make any eye contact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Also, he may think I don’t notice but multiple times a week he misplaces his keys despite always putting them in the key dish by the door. It’s like he forgets that we have a key dish.” David quietly admits while placing his hand on the back of Patrick’s head to give him a reassuring massage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Tears threaten to escape Patrick’s eyes. If David knew about the keys then it was definitely not nothing. What if it means he is going to die from some tumor? Patrick isn’t ready to leave yet. He has so many plans with David still to do.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dr. Cole writes down everything and nods in understanding. Patrick couldn’t take it any longer. His nerves are completely frazzled. David must’ve realized because he asks the question Patrick had been wanting to ask but couldn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it a tumor? Is he going to die?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Dr. Cole takes a moment to finish writing down her notes before she addresses them directly. Her fake nice smile is back but Patrick can see the concern in her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I don’t think it is. However, I am going to order a CAT scan just to officially rule it out.” She pauses and David immediately jumps in with another question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So, he’s just getting older and it’s nothing to worry about?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patrick, when I first came in I asked you to remember three words for me. What were they?” Dr. Cole ignores David’s question and looks at Patrick with a piercing gaze.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick closes his eyes and tries his best to focus and try to remember the words. But, he couldn’t so he guesses hoping they’d be correct.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Water, tree, bell.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, Patrick.” Dr. Cole responds with a smile before looking down at her notes. “I’m going to refer you guys to a neurologist so they can run further tests. They’ll want you to get a CAT scan before coming in, but you’ll schedule that with them. Sharon at reception can give you all that information. Thank you for coming in today.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She leaves the room and Patrick sits there. She wants him to get more tests? That sounds serious. He looks to David asking for his silent reassurance. But from the look on David’s face, he can tell he’d gotten the words wrong. The moment David realizes he’s looking the steel wall is up and there is nothing but love and reassurance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did great, P.” David rubs his hand up and down Patrick’s arm — to reassure himself as much as Patrick. It is his biggest tell in the world.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They leave the room together — silently — and receive the necessary paperwork from reception. Patrick is numb. He couldn’t imagine going back to work now so he bites the bullet during their drive from Elm Valley, but David beat him to it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We are going straight home. It’s been a very long day and work can wait until tomorrow.” Patrick finally let the tears fall. He is truly blessed with the greatest husband.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over the next month, Patrick endures more tests than he’d ever gone through in his entire life. He began to realize that his tests that happened earlier in the day made him feel more confident about there being nothing wrong. However, then the next day he would have a test in the afternoon and he’d feel like he bombed it so bad that David would have to hold him for hours and reassure him that everything was fine. That Patrick wasn’t a failure; he was loved and cherished every moment of every day. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hardest day of their month-long endurance test was the day Patrick sat across from his neurologist clinging to David’s arm. The sound around him faded out like one of those emotionally poignant moments in a movie David loves to cry over. He watched as Dr. Harrison sat across from him and spoke, but none of the words reached him. But looking into his doctor’s eyes he just knew it wasn’t good news. It isn’t until David nudges him that his hearing returns and he realizes he’s expected to say something. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry. What did you ask?” Patrick glances between David and his doctor very confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“P, he asked if you understood what he explained. Do you understand what this diagnosis means?” David has tears in his eyes as he silently begs Patrick to say anything that would indicate he understood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What you need to understand, Mr. Brewer” his doctor starts, leaning his elbows on the table before him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr. Brewer is my father. It’s just Patrick.” Patrick gulps out the words in an attempt at appearing normal. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ok, Patrick. What you need to understand is Alzheimer’s is a neurological disorder that you’ll never recover from. It won’t be an easy road, but with the love and support of your family, we can try our best to at least slow down the progression. However, I have to be frank with you, some day soon you’ll forget even your own name. You need to be prepared for that.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, you don’t pull any punches,” David responds wetly as he attempts to hide his tears with a smile and a joke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“David.” Patrick uses his soft voice reserved only for his husband. “We have to know the reality of it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Patrick turned to his doctor and asked him for any literature he may have on the road forward and what therapies they can try. He knows that David is barely holding it together and so he can’t break down. One of them has to be strong and ask all the important questions. His doctor hands over the pamphlets and tells them he will give them a few moments. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>What You Need to Know About Early Onset Alzheimer’s </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick barely makes it past the pamphlet’s title before he completely breaks down. How could this be how it ends for him? Decrepit and lost, unable to take care of himself? That was never in his life plan. He knows he has to be strong and hopeful in order to stave it off as much as possible, but how can he, knowing that no matter what the end is always the same?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He surreptitiously watches David silently cry with his head turned toward the beautiful painting of sunflowers on the far wall. How much longer would Patrick even recognize him? Meeting David had been the best day of his life — the moment everything had fallen into place for him. He always thought they’d grow old together. Only now that dream involves only one of them knowing who they are. It isn’t fair to David. He deserves to enjoy his life. To live it as fully as possible for the next few decades. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could talk to the lawyer to draw up some papers — make it easier on you.” Patrick reaches out and places his hand on David’s shoulder with the softest of touches.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wha-what?” David turns back to Patrick, his face a mix of tears, snot, and confusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For divorce. You deserve more in this life.” Patrick hangs his head. He knows if he keeps looking at David he will selfishly take back what he’s said which isn’t fair to either of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Absolutely not. No. You don’t get to walk away saying I deserve better. Look at me, Patrick. Look at me!” David’s eyes turn hard and determined as he grabs Patrick’s chin forcing the younger man to make eye contact. “I deserve you. You make me whole. And I meant it when I agreed to marry you that I’d stand by you through anything because you are my happy ending.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick holds back a sob until David wraps him up completely in his arms. How did he deserve such goodness in his life? David’s arms give him the strength he can’t seem to find on his own. With a sniff, Patrick pulls away but not out of David’s embrace. They’re both a mess of tears and heartbreak. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now’s your chance. It’s not gonna be a fun road ahead.” Patrick wipes at the tears on David’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? And miss out on the chance to remind you of how amazing I am? Not a chance. Besides, you’re way too sexy to give up </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m way too invested at this point.” David tries to crack a joke but only manages a weak smile from Patrick. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick can’t deny he appreciates David trying, but he loves him too much to put him through the pain of watching Patrick waste away. It’s not going to be fun for David when Patrick really starts to forget things. If it’s already frustrating for him he can only imagine how much more devastating it will be on David once this reaches a larger scale. David doesn’t have half his patience and he’d be cruel to allow him to go through this in the name of love and loyalty. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey. Where’d your mind go just now?” David’s voice is as soft as the hand on Patrick’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nowhere.” Patrick denies his fears and concerns.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patrick. I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re spiraling.” David calls Patrick’s bluff and then stands up. “Come on. Let’s go home. We will turn on a sports event and I’ll cook dinner.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they decide to inform their families they bring them all together at the same time. Patrick knew he couldn’t possibly bear to tell multiple people at multiple times. So David decides to host a backyard dinner party a couple of months into their journey.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They had decided to wait because they both wanted some time alone with the news in order to forge their own path first. Also, Patrick wanted to try a few therapies in the hopes that they will make it easier for him to remember the details better once the conversation started. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now, here they were at the start of June — Patrick’s birthday only a few weeks away — preparing to have an influx of six extra people in their home within a few short hours. David was fighting on the phone with caterers because they’d decided that asking Patrick to handle cooking would put too much strain on his brain and make the dinner a disaster which would only further upset Patrick.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately, today is already shaping up to be one of Patrick’s tougher days. He woke up unable to remember what day it was — Sunday — and was almost ready for work when David gently reminded him the store was closed today. Then he couldn’t remember where they stored the coffee and tea to make himself a morning cup. Once again, David was sweet about it but Patrick only got more frustrated and broke the mug when he threw it at the sink. This led him to spend the day trying to read in their bedroom — where he was currently residing. He rubbed his hand down his face. Patrick was not ready to talk about this with their families. He’d been safe and secure in the knowledge that only David and his doctor knew he was weak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, you gonna get ready? They’ll be here in a couple of hours.” David’s soft, warm voice pulls Patrick back to the present and out of his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“David, I think we should cancel. No one has to know. Let’s just keep it our secret.” Patrick stands up and wraps himself close into David’s chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, honey. You know I would love to let you have this one thing, but we can’t keep hiding this. We’re gonna need support. Remember Dr. Harrison said that a strong family support is half the battle.” Normally, David’s words reassure him but today they put him on edge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure, but for how long? David. It’s just going to hurt them. It’s one thing for you to insist on dragging yourself down with me but I can’t let my parents or yours for that matter do it too.” Patrick pulls out of David’s arms overwhelmed with frustration at his loss of control.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And what them finding out months from now because you can’t remember them isn’t going to hurt?! They deserve time to process and deal with this as much as you.” David fights back because he can’t let Patrick spiral again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At least then I won’t know about it. I have to protect them! I am never going to get better so if I can postpone their hurt until I don’t have to recognize it then you should let me.” Patrick fights back his tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“P, look at me.” David is now by his side, “You say you want to protect us, but what about me? I need someone I can talk to. I love you and support you, but sometimes I want to voice my fears and insecurities about life without you and I can’t because nobody else knows.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>David lets his tears fall, “you may not think you need the support of our families but </span>
  <b>
    <em>I do</em>
  </b>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick sighs and then moves toward their closet to change out of his pajamas. David knew this meant his husband had given up the fight. He doesn’t want to leave without reassuring the younger man so he approaches him from behind and wraps his arms around Patrick’s torso.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know how hard it is for you to admit you are no longer in charge, but I promise you won’t regret letting people know,” David whispers lovingly into Patrick’s back. “And I’ll be there right next to you the whole time. I can jump in whenever you don’t feel you’re able to speak.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stand like that in silence for a while before Patrick responds. He lets out a sob which pulls David into immediate action.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Woah, Woah. What’s wrong?” David checks Patrick over as he waits for his husband to reply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what this is!” Patrick turns to face David, tears running down his cheek. He is holding out his green button-down shirt — the soft one David loves running his hands over.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What shirt?” David isn’t sure what exactly Patrick is referring to, but he hugs him tight and silently reminds Patrick that he has David’s full support.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No not the shirt, what is this?” Patrick motions wide over the shirt as a whole.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The color?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, what is this color. It’s like I know it, it’s on the top of my tongue but I can’t grab it.” Patrick looks almost ready to sob again or worse lob the shirt across the room in frustration. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh babe, that is green.” David grabs the back of Patrick’s head and rubs soothingly. Then he leans forward and gives Patrick a heated kiss before adding, “and you look sexy as hell in it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over the next hour, Patrick slowly gets ready while David comes in and out of the room to check on him. Patrick knows he’s just delaying the inevitable but he likes the idea of living in his small bubble of denial for a little bit longer. The minute he tells others it will be real and there will be no more ignoring the elephant in the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With one last huff, Patrick steels himself for the guests who will have now arrived. He makes it to the edge of the hall, just shy of their front room when he stops.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mr. and Mrs. Brewer! I’m so glad you could make it. I just hope the drive wasn’t too bad.” Patrick hears David greet his parents in that soft lilt Patrick knows to be his fake happy voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We had our great-niece drive us and drop us off. She has plans with a friend in Elmdale so it was no trouble for her.” Patrick’s mom responds in such a way that Patrick just knows she’s patting David’s cheek in her ‘do not worry’ way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why don’t you have a seat either in here or you can join my family outside. Make yourselves comfortable. I’m going to go find Patrick.” David directs his parents toward the back of the house where Patrick knows they will have joined the Roses outside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick closes his eyes and holds his breath. He can’t do this. He can’t shatter the hearts of everyone he loves. He knows that he told David he would, but now that the moment is here he doesn’t have the strength. He feels a gentle touch of a hand on his cheek and suddenly his anxiety melts away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, everyone is here. You think maybe you could join us?” David’s voice is kind and gentle which breaks Patrick’s heart.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t do it. David, I have been searching my brain for the last hour for the word of what I have and I can’t find it. I don’t even remember your sister’s name! We should just have dinner and not say anything. Save it for another time.” Patrick hyperventilates through his words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh. Shh. Hey, it’s ok. The word is Alzheimer’s and my sister is Alexis.” David gives Patrick a look of unadulterated love and support, “I’ve got your back. Always.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t have to though. It should be me looking out for you.” Patrick weakly protests.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why? Where in our vows Patrick Brewer did it say anything about you being the only one capable of care? Huh? Nowhere. So let me be the one to hold you up for a change.” David fixes him with a stern look that in any other situation would’ve made Patrick laugh out loud.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promised your father before we got married that I’d always protect you.” Patrick mumbles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, part of protecting me is letting me protect you once in a while. Now, come on everyone is waiting. You aren’t alone in this.” David grabs Patrick by the hand and quickly pecks him on the cheek before leading them outside.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dinner is mostly quiet and peaceful. Patrick soaks up the underlying sense of love, safety, and family. Just as they are about to dive into the wonderful apple pie his mother made, David squeezes his hand in a signal of it being time. Patrick looks at his husband and clears his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Everyone. Hey. I know we all want to devour my mom’s famous apple pie, but before we do there’s a reason David and I invited you all here tonight.” Patrick starts out strong but then falters. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. My. God! You guys are adopting a kid aren’t you?” Alexis practically squeals from down the table. This throws Patrick off at first, but after another squeeze from David he finds the strength to keep going.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, umm uh A-Alexis,” he stumbles to remember her name and then loses his cool altogether. He looks at David and silently begs him to continue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patrick and I went to see a specialist a few months ago. A neurologist actually. He’d been having some trouble with remembering some things and so I begged him to get it checked out.” David picks up almost seamlessly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Did your medical consultant discover a tumefaction of the brain?” Moira cuts in with a loud declaration. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>David just stares at his mother, trying to process everything before he replies, “what? No. Please, everyone just listen and don’t interrupt. This is very difficult to say.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have Alzheimer’s,” Patrick says quietly next to David. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At first, the only person who hears it is David and his mother, but then Marcy’s tears alert everyone else that a statement had been made. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ugh, David! How could you only tell his parents and not the rest of us?!” Alexis huffs and rolls her eyes at her brother. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I HAVE ALZHEIMER’S!” Patrick frustratedly yells before getting up from the table and stalking back inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, David! Poor dear Patrick.” Moira’s tone is very sympathetic which is a rarity for his mom and in a way it gives him comfort.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He looks around at the rest of the table. Alexis is stunned into silence and she sticks out her bottom lip at him in an overly exaggerated pout. Ted is rubbing Alexis’ shoulder while giving David a sad smile. He will surely bombard David with questions later on, but for now he is silent and for that David is grateful. His mother has now moved over to Marcy and the two women are crying and softly talking to each other. The two fathers are unable to speak or even look at David. He knows that both Clint and Johnny aren’t ones to talk much.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The one person he’s really looking for a response from is Stevie. His eyes fall on her last. She motions her head and the two friends walk closer toward their little garden a little ways from the house. David knows Stevie will know just what to say to make him feel better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How bad is it really?” Her words are short and direct.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This morning he couldn’t remember that it was Sunday and where the tea bags were. Then right before you guys got here he couldn’t remember the word for the color of his shirt.” David’s voice chokes toward the end and he has to stop walking and force air into his lungs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stevie, sure these are little things, but if he can’t remember Alexis’ name how much longer until he can’t remember mine? Or even me as a person? How much longer until he lashes out because he’s confused about where he is and who is with? It’s all too much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“David, I’m only going to say this once and if you mention it in public I will deny it. But, you are strong as hell. I know it may seem overwhelming at times, but remember who was the one who decided to start his own business and who decided to stay here when the allure of New York was calling. That is the strongest person I know.” Stevie gives David a side hug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just remember. You are never alone in this. We are all here for you should everything get to be too much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>David grabs his friend and wraps her in a very rare, extremely tight hug. The road ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but now that everyone else knew a weight lifted off his shoulders and he felt ten pounds lighter.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>David and Patrick have now had a bit of time with the disease. How is David coping? Is he continuing to live in denial? </p><p>Then they get a phone call that brings David to his knees and all he wants is Patrick to hold him and be his support. Can he rely on that?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was hoping to give myself 3 weeks in between updates with this fic now that I am working full-time and writing professionally for my role as a TV critic. That being said, the next chapter may be a while because I signed up to do a big bang challenge for another fandom so my energy through December will be focusing on that. </p><p>However, I am still going to try my best to continue writing and updating this fic regularly. It all just depends on my time availability.</p><p>Once again I want to thank you guys graciously for all the support you have given me with this idea. I may not reply to comments regularly, but do know that I read every single one. I appreciate them more than you will ever know. Thank you!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>David slowly sips his coffee and looks out the kitchen window into their beautiful backyard. It had snowed overnight so the world still had that new snow serenity to it. It’s moments like this, first thing in the morning when he can pretend that everything is just fine. That Patrick is going better and they’ve gotten back on track with their lives.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then a timer dings and David is brought right back into the reality of his life. The timer is to remind Patrick to take morning vitamins — something he used to do on his own, discreetly. David looks down at the bottles on their counter. There are many of them, all different sizes, and each with a different colored dot. The pink ones are the pills to be taken in the morning. The green ones are his midday pills. And the yellow ones are what he takes at night. Most of these are simply nutrient enhancing medications since Patrick’s habits have changed drastically in the last six months, but a couple of them have prescriptions to help his cognition.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Next to the bottles is a sticky note with bold letters. </span>
  <b>Take one each of pink bottles at 8 am.</b>
  <span> There are similar sticky notes next to that one with timed reminders for the other sticker colors. David shakes his head to dispel the sadness and frustration he feels about Patrick’s life being quickly reduced to this. He heard the water in the bathroom shut off which tells him Patrick will be in the kitchen shortly, ready to start their day together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking around there are sticky notes everywhere with little reminders. Things like which setting to put on the washer and dryer when doing laundry. A note next to their hall mirror that says </span>
  <b>Your keys are in the bowl by the door.</b>
  <span> The only note in their whole house that isn’t a reminder is a sweet missive David put up next to their bathroom mirror that says </span>
  <b>You’ll always be the stars in my sky. </b>
  <span>David places that as a love note for Patrick but also to keep him focused on the love instead of the loss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patrick shuffles into the kitchen and gives David a smile. He’s in a good mood, which most likely means today will be a good day. David gives a soft sigh of relief when Patrick’s back is turned away from him to grab some toast for breakfast. Patrick needs to be at his best for their workday because today is the day he is supposed to train their new hire on the books. It’s the one thing about Rose Apothecary that David cannot pick up the slack on. Over the years, Patrick has tried fruitlessly to teach David about the numbers and ledgers and spreadsheets for this very reason, but to no avail. The numbers all look like hieroglyphics to him. So, they hired Tanya two weeks ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She is fresh out of Elmdale College but has enough of an entrepreneur’s brain to vibe with Patrick and his meticulous record-keeping. It’s going to be hard to go to Rose Apothecary without Patrick there working alongside him -- it’s their baby after all. Most people have human children, David and Patrick have the store. However, David knew that after their last neurology appointment that the writing is on the wall. Things are about to become drastically different and not just in an occasional sticky note reminder kind of way. Pretty soon Patrick is going to stop being Patrick. David isn’t ready to even entertain that idea so instead, he walks across the space, wraps his arms around Patrick’s middle, and buries his face into the back of his husband’s neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you think Tanya will need more than just today to learn your spreadsheets and filing system?” David asks into Patrick’s back as his husband continues to prepare some food for breakfast.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think she will be a quick study. It shouldn’t take more than a day or two for her to learn. I know you worry, but it’s going to be fine. We still have time. I’m still as sharp as a tack about work stuff.” Patrick turns in David’s arms and gives the man a smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David hooks his chin over Patrick’s shoulder and stands in the warm embrace of the man he loves before breaking their comfortable silence. The breathing in and out between them becomes synchronized and David wants nothing more than to live with that feeling forever. When Patrick is like this it’s easy to forget there is even anything wrong. So, David clings tighter to the naive notion that they are perfectly fine and there is nothing to worry about. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of his phone ringing jars David back into their reality and he surreptitiously wipes the tears that he silently shed. He squeezes Patrick’s arm with a gesture toward the car outside, telling him that he would meet him in the car. David pulls out his phone as he grabs his bag and heads out the front door. He doesn’t even look at the caller ID so he is surprised when he hears Alexis’ voice on the other end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David! What took you so long to answer?” Alexis whines with her frustratingly tinny voice -- she was worried about something, David knew enough about her voice inflections to know that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I was helping Patrick,” David answers shortly, moving to cradle his phone between his ear and shoulder while he unlocks the car and climbs in it. He shivers a bit at the bite the cold air gives his uncovered fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ohh. Is it not a good time? I can call later, it’s not that big a deal. You have enough.” Alexis tries to talk herself out of telling David whatever it is that has her worried. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Alexis. It’s fine. What is it? Did mom lock herself in a closet again? Because you know it’s not my turn to deal with that.” David quickly runs through the most likely scenario his brain could muster as to why his sister would call this early in the morning.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David. No, David. Would you just shut up a minute!” Alexis’s voice rings out over David’s diatribe about the last time they helped Moira out of the closet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, then spit it out!” David is becoming increasingly frustrated with his sister. He’s reached the point of pulling his phone away from his ear, baring his teeth as if she could see, rolling his eyes, and then huffing out a deep sigh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David,” Alexis is on the brink of tears at this point, David can hear them in her voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” David’s voice comes out harsher than he intended, but his own hackles are raised now and what started off being a great day is quickly turning into a mess of nerves and anxiety.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dad had a heart attack.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There is silence on both his and Alexis’s end. Now that the words are out they hang in the air like a thick smoke no one can see through. The sound is muffled and so David doesn’t hear Alexis yelling at him at first or Patrick asking him if everything was ok. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patrick’s hands on his face draw him back and he feels his husband’s gentle hands wipe away tears he didn’t even know he’d shed. David slowly takes breathes knowing that he is a moment away from a full panic attack. He hasn’t had one in months, not since that first neurology appointment with Patrick -- getting the official diagnosis.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David wasn’t always close with his father -- in fact, for many years he just saw Johnny Rose as a bank teller. However, each time he would go through a rough time in NY he secretly hoped his father would wake up and realize David was hurting and then comfort him. Moving to Schitt’s Creek, brought David and Johnny closer. It was his father that he found himself gushing about Patrick the most. Even though he often scoffed or rolled his eyes at his father’s sentimentality, David secretly loved every moment of it. Now that he may no longer be there, David struggles to know what to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He comes back enough to realize that Alexis is still on the phone. He clears his throat and tries to ask the dreaded question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is he?” David pauses, unable to actually finish the question. But he knows that Alexis will understand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s in the ICU, but the doctor says it isn’t good. David. You should come to LA as soon as you can.” Alexis sniffs and David knows she is being honest. His father’s time is limited.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I’m looking up flights now. I’ll call you back when I know more.” David hiccoughs and presses the button to end the call.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to fly to LA as soon as possible. My father is dying. I can get us both tickets.” David rushes through his next words as he types in the request to his phone, not even looking at Patrick.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David, look at me.” Patrick puts his hand over David’s phone screen to encourage him to make eye contact.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Patrick, you don’t understand. I have to do this now!” David tries to move his phone away from Patrick but his husband doesn’t relent.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David, I can’t go with you. Someone needs to stay here and train Tanya. Besides, I’ll just get in the way.” Patrick’s voice is gentle and loving, the exact tone David needs right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But, what about you? Who will look out for you? To make sure you’re doing okay?” David looks into Patrick’s eyes, extremely concerned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine, but if it makes you feel better I will call Ray and see if he wouldn’t mind staying in our guest room for a few days,” Patrick reassures David as he pulls his hand away from the phone and lets David finish booking a flight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David heaves a sigh and replies, “Yes, that would make me feel more comfortable. Just make sure that you answer every time I call you or I will hop on the next plane and come back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need to be there for your family. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.” Patrick cups the side of David’s head and gently caresses him with his thumb. It’s a move that has always eased David’s mind — this time is no different.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David bites his lip as he finalizes the details for his flight. He knows that Patrick knows he can’t leave without worrying about his husband, but he hopes that his facial expression and head nod lie convincingly enough. David may be flying across the country in about 4 hours, but his mind will never leave Schitt’s Creek and Patrick. Alzheimer's is really starting to dig its nails in and more likely than not without David there Patrick will have more bad days than good.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>***<br/><br/></p><p>
  <span>That evening David enters the hospital lobby extremely rundown and emotionally at his wit's end. He had called Patrick in the Uber ride over and that had done little to dispel his overly anxious mind. Patrick had sounded tired and when he said that he had to break the window on their back door in order to get inside because he couldn’t find his keys David almost had a freakout. However, one quick text to Stevie confirmed that Patrick wasn’t alone and had actually contacted Stevie first when he couldn’t find his key. But still, it was concerning that Patrick felt so defeated that the only way into their house was to break the window. Based on what Stevie said, Patrick hadn’t waited for her to come by with her spare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David was unable to process any more emotional information, but he knew that his father's condition required it. So, he took a deep breath, tried to push Patrick’s behavior from his mind, and forced a smile as his eyes made contact with Alexis. His sister was much older than when they’d first lost everything, but her nervous energy remained the same in times of crisis. Her eyes were swimming with unacknowledged emotion and her hands were about ready to fall off with all the fretting she was doing. This alone spoke louder than any words she could possibly have to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David stopped just short of hugging distance and stiffened his back for the inevitable blow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David. Dad...dad…” Alexis can’t even get through the words without sobs hitting her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is there any change from your call right before I got on the plane?” David tried to help his sister out. He wasn’t ready to admit he feared the worst and was unable to hope for the best.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The doctor said there was no longer any brain activity.” The baritone of Ted’s voice echoed from behind Alexis where her husband had just approached the pair.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So.” David can’t even finish his thought. No brain activity meant there was no hope of his father ever waking up again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The gentle giant that was Johnny Rose fell from a heart attack. His whole life David thought his father would always be around. Even when David was acting annoyed at his father for interfering with his life, deep down he was hoping the man would interfere more. When he had told everyone of Patrick’s diagnosis his father had pulled him aside and told him that “love doesn’t disappear just because someone forgets it. You just have to focus more on reminding them it’s there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David holds up his hands and slowly backs away from his new reality. He can’t get too close because bombs exploding is never a good look and this was the biggest bomb. David couldn’t do this. He couldn’t handle losing Patrick </span>
  <b>
    <em>and</em>
  </b>
  <span> his father. The world couldn’t possibly keep moving after such a loss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who are the Rose’s without their steadfast anchor? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David’s chest starts to tighten and he wants nothing more than to cling tightly to Patrick. But he can’t. What kind of sick, cruel universe would force him to contend with the loss of his father and not allow him the comfort of his husband? David feels himself fall into the nearest chair and crumples in on himself, but he can’t bring himself to come to the reality of Alexis and Ted watching it all. He wraps his arms tighter around himself and squeezes his eyes shut. He tries to imagine his own arms are the warm, sturdy embrace of Patrick. It grounds him in the chaos of a free-floating space where nothing is real and the last six months never happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David knows he is crying but he doesn’t care. He has to get it all out now so that he can take on the stoic persona needed to handle saying goodbye and being there for his mother. He knows this situation only has enough room for one emotionally hysterical Rose. Even though he selfishly wants it to be him, he knows that his mother is hurting much more than he could ever fathom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David.” The tentative sound of Alexis’s voice brings him back and he looks up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a deep breath and a quick swipe to rid himself of any stray tears, David stands up and dusts himself off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?” David coughs slightly to clear his throat and push away any further outward emotion. He knows once he lays down to sleep at his booked hotel room he will cry some more, but for now, he is the closed-off David everyone knows. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they walk toward the elevator that will take them up to the place where David will see his father one last time, he drags his feet. David keeps an eye on Alexis ahead of him but he can’t handle any close human contact right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, how's Patrick?” Ted falls back and gets in line with David.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” David is caught off guard with a question about his love. “He has good days and bad days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A silence falls between them. It’s a comfortable silence and David actually doesn’t mind Ted being so physically close to him. In fact, Ted’s position as being part of the family but not a close confidante to David eases his mind. What David doesn’t expect are the next words to come out of his mouth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you ever wonder if people who can’t remember who they are or who they love are really living?” David’s thoughts spoken aloud make him sound cold and callous but really he’s just trying to cope. “What’s life without love in it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ted doesn’t respond, instead, he places his hand gently on David’s shoulder. It’s enough to let David know his brother-in-law understands the turmoil he is struggling with. Just short of the elevator David stops and turns to face Ted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Am I a horrible person for hoping Patrick doesn’t live very long without knowing me? Is that selfish of me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ted visibly contemplates David’s question for a minute before responding. “None of us want our loved ones to suffer. Not even Patrick.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David’s mind is still on Patrick when he enters his father’s room. However, one look at the older man throws everything else from his brain. There are tubes and wires making his father more machine than man. It knocks the air out of David’s lungs and he can’t quite get it back. He knew it was bad, but seeing it makes things even worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David’s inner child comes out when he shuffles forward and grabs his father’s hand. The coldness of Johnny’s limo grip unsettles David. He knows he’s not a singularly strong man. He requires the support of people like Johnny and Patrick to keep himself afloat in tough times. Taking a deep breath more of his father’s wise words wrap through his thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The true measure of love is finding strength within yourself to carry you when your support is gone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David leans closer to his father and whispers into his ear. “I’m here dad. Just like when I was five I’m holding your hand. Only this time I don’t ever want to let go.” The two Rose men remain in close proximity until David feels he’s strong enough to put his wall back up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David knows that in the years to come any time Alexis will ask him about his display of vulnerability just now he will deny it. David Rose doesn’t do outward displays of vulnerability. He places a kiss on his father’s motionless forehead and looks into the eyes of his mother.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moira is sobbing uncontrollably but surprising everyone she isn’t crawling into a space of solitude. She is standing her ground and sitting vigil by her husband's side. David sees so much of himself in her — and not just the unstable parts that need people like their respective husbands to even it all out. David could see in her his exact desire to curl up and wave a flag of surrender. A desire to give into all the overwhelming feelings, thoughts, and memories. They both want to wallow in their joint grief but know that they have to carry on for the family and themselves. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is also very aware that once they turn off the machines and let Johnny go, his mother will need all the support she can get. Where she will get that support worries David. As he sits there holding tight to his father’s hand he contemplates Moira moving back to Schitt’s Creek to live with him and Patrick. But he knows that this isn’t really a possibility due to how much his focus needs to be on his husband. David can’t afford to pull his focus from Patrick during this critical time. He loves his mother, but he doesn’t contain the capacity to emotionally handle Patrick’s Alzheimer’s and her grief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No, Moira’s best bet was going to be with Alexis and Ted — who live just outside of Los Angeles with their two teenage children. Alexis may be busy all the time with her PR work, but David knew that between her and Ted they contained enough emotional depth to guide Moira through the worst of it. Alexis would never willingly accept the role of caretaker, but Ted could easily persuade her. David just needed to find the right time to bring it up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His first priority is saying goodbye to their father. Then he needed to be able to check in on Patrick and make sure he was fine. Especially after his earlier mishap. Knowing his father wasn’t going to wake up meant David would definitely have to be away from Schitt’s Creek for a week at the very least. How was Patrick going to cope without him for that long? Would David be able to ingratiate people like Jocelyn, Ray, and Stevie to help him out for that long? Would Stevie be willing to travel with Patrick for the funeral or would David have to go home, pick him up, and then fly them both back to LA?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David isn’t pulled out of his thoughts until he feels a light touch on his shoulder. He pulls himself back to reality and sees Alexis right next to him. She is silently crying and can’t take her eyes off their prone father. David reaches up and silently places his hand over hers. They aren’t outwardly loving toward each other on their best days so a small touch is more than they can muster now on their worst day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The doctors said they want us to make the final decision,” Alexis whispers in her all-business tone that doesn’t give away just how defeated she really is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Final? Like turn him off?!” David’s tone comes out more screechy and accusatory than he intends, but never-the-less he doesn’t take it back or correct it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, David” Alexis sighs exasperatedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The three Roses turn their attention to Johnny. They all know without saying that he wouldn’t want to live like this. That this was his time. David looks up and makes eye contact with the doctor who was waiting in the periphery. When they make that connection, David gives a nod and the doctor knows they are ready. Without a word, he turns off the machines.</span>
</p><p><br/>***</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David wraps his arms around Stevie and gives a sniff. He still finds it hard to show his full emotions even with his best friend, but based on the tight squeeze she gives in return she knows. The airport around them is bustling with activity and the noise level allows David to hide from his sorrow for just a little bit longer. He’s so wrapped up in the comfort of his best friend that he doesn’t even notice his husband behind her for the first five minutes. When he finally does look up, Patrick is sporting a nervous smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So this is the elusive boyfriend you mentioned.” Patrick deadpanned so convincingly that it took David a tick to realize his eyes were shining with mischief.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David let out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and wrapped himself up in the warm embrace of his husband. “I was so worried you’d forgotten me. I don’t think I can handle that on top of everything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David let the tears finally fall as Patrick tightened his hold and whispered his reply, “I could never forget you, David.” They both know it’s a lie, but at the moment neither of them cares. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The spell is broken by Patrick’s next words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stevie told me your dad died. I wish I could’ve met him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David’s whole world crumbles at the moment. Patrick and Johnny Rose were always really close. So close in fact, David believed Patrick was the preferred son. Simply because Johnny could understand him better. The two men shared a love of business and entrepreneurial spirit. Also, Patrick knew he could somewhat talk baseball and Johnny would be able to genuinely match his enthusiasm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David closes his eyes to hold back the heartbreak he really can’t face at that moment. He pulls away from Patrick and grabs their bags. Without a word, he directs them toward the exit. Patrick and Stevie trail behind him. He can hear their voices but not what they are saying exactly. They reach the car but, before he can throw the bags in and slam the back shut Stevie is there making him pause. She gives him a look before starting in on her gentle lecture.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She watches Patrick climb into the back seat and then she begins, “I get that this is all a lot. I can’t even begin to understand where your head's at, but he needs support, not pity or judgment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stevie, he doesn’t remember my dad. They had a close bond so what does that mean for us?” David mumbles and stares at his feet, fighting back tears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We both knew this was coming. He is going to start forgetting people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But did it have to be my dad? Right when I need him the most to guide me through this?” David whispers his words because he can’t believe he’s actually being selfish enough to say them out loud.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David, I’m going to be sincere just this once. You are stronger than you know. You will get through this.” Stevie wraps her arms around her friend one more time before rounding the car and climbing inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David stands alone with his thoughts for a bit before joining them. He knows that now Patrick has forgotten Johnny other people will soon follow. He knows that most likely a year from now David will be as much a stranger to Patrick as Johnny is. However, he can’t handle that fact on top of the emotions storming through him at the loss of his father. He pushes the thought so far down it is no longer available to him. Denial is easier than reality. And at this moment he has more reality than he can possibly bear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right now David can’t focus fully on either of his dilemmas so he has to choose one over the other. Since he has to give a eulogy at his father's service tomorrow, David puts all his mental efforts into that. Patrick’s worsening condition can wait another day. After all, once tomorrow is over Patrick will be all-consuming in his life.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David silently and surreptitiously wipes tears from his cheek. They begin the slow drive to the hotel where David was already staying. Stevie will have to check in to her own room, but Patrick will just join David in his. David can’t wait to enter his room with Patrick and shut out the world. The idea of silently cuddling with the love of his life is something so appealing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tomorrow is going to destroy him, but he still has tonight. And for a moment longer David knows he can live in his little bubble where Patrick is ok and his dad is still alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>David has to make the hardest decision on his journey. Marcy is right there to help him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m so sorry for the delay in this next chapter. It’s been a crazy month and my motivation has been in the tank. Grief is a fierce monster. </p><p>Anyway, please don’t kill me for what happens in this chapter. This disease isn’t nice or pretty. But I really wanted to show David finally reach his breaking point emotionally. </p><p>With that, please enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Over the next few weeks, David moves into a new normal. One where his father is no longer on the other end of a late night phone call and where his mother lives with Ted and Alexis in the LA suburbs — driving them insane. But mostly he struggles through each new day of Patrick’s slow descent into oblivion. It’s been a little over six months now and some days are definitely better than others, but Patrick spends most of his time doing music therapy in David’s vain attempts to stop the progression of memory loss.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David secretly fears the day Patrick will look at him and look right through him. Years ago, before Schitts Creek, that was a common thread to David’s relationships. As such, he didn’t hate seeing the look — he just accepted it. However, with Patrick it was different they’d built a life together. Patrick knew him better than he knew himself. David refuses to accept defeat. And so the therapies continued.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though, at their latest neurology appointment the doctor had pulled him aside and suggested a long term care facility. David had shut him down quick. It had only been 8 months, they weren’t there yet. They had tons of time left to face that reality. For now, David was managing quite nicely on his own — with the occasional help from Stevie. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The moment of reality came at Patrick’s 58th birthday party. It had been 14 months since that fateful day in which they sat across from the neurologist and he’d told them. Even though Patrick’s memory was deteriorating, David had managed to care for him in their home with very little help. But on this day David realized it was officially too much for him to handle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Patrick had wandered off from the festivities and David found him at their closest neighbor a mile up the road. Patrick was disoriented and very confused. David bit back his own tears at the sight of his husband spinning around frantically looking for something familiar, his face tracked with tears. When he had finally laid eyes on David his response nearly broke David in two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sir, I seem to be lost. Could you point me in the direction of my home?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David swallows deeply before responding, “Patrick. Do you have any idea who I am?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you the owner of this home?” Patrick looked confused again, his eyes looking wild from all the paranoia he must feel about not knowing where he is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, I live just up the road. With you. I’m your husband.” David’s words are wet with emotion but he just manages to keep himself in check. He reaches out a hand to touch Patrick, but his husband jumps back in surprise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not married! I don’t know who you are, but you are not my husband!” Patrick gets angry and indignant all of a sudden, “Where’s Rachel? Where’s my fiancé? She will sort you out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David pulls out his phone at that moment and does the only thing he knows he can do. He calls Marcy and Clint who are back at the cottage celebrating their son. David almost shatters at the knowledge that he is now a stranger to his husband and not the person who can help him anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-hello. Marcy?” David’s voice breaks, “I’m at The Porter’s home up the road. I need your help.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then he hangs up and surreptitiously wipes the tears from his eyes. Turning around he finds Patrick just as he left him — arms crossed and anger etched on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I called your mom. She is coming over.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What about Rachel?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry I don’t know where she is.” David looks apologetically at Patrick before trying again, “Or you could walk back up the road with me to my house and your party.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going anywhere with you.” Patrick growls, his eyes hold a fire that David has never seen before. “My party?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, it’s your birthday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I had no idea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two fall into silence and refuse to get closer than six feet apart from each other. Which is how Marcy finds them a few minutes later. Her presence immediately calms Patrick down and he agrees to go with her back to the cottage. Marcy offers David a ride too, but he needs a minute to clear his head and so he chooses to walk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A year. It’s only been a year. Is that normal? Fuck, I should’ve paid attention when the neurologist went over projections. I wasn’t expecting it to come so soon. Fuck. We deserved a better life. We deserved to grow old and happy together. After the struggles we went through to find each other. Only to have it taken from us within our first 20 years together. Why is life such a fucking cunt rag? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time David slowly made it back home, Patrick was laying down in their bed. Marcy tells him she’d given him a sedative to calm him down. David immediately collapses onto their sofa and Marcy joins him. She pulls him into her side in a motherly embrace. They both silently shared their mental and emotional exhaustion. Marcy leans over and plants a kiss on the side of David’s head and he lets out all his grief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to put him in a care facility. I don’t want to but I can’t do it anymore.” David mumbles against Marcy’s shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David, you haven’t failed him. His mind is doing that all on its own. You’ve done so much good for him this past year. It’s not failure to admit you need help.” Marcy softly responds as she rubs David’s back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David basks in her silent comfort for a while. When he had first met Marcy, all those years ago, he had been so nervous. He had worried she would judge him because it’s what everyone else had ever done. But Marcy was different. She immediately welcomed David like a second son. And now, when she should be processing her own grief on the situation she is here making sure David is ok.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How do you do that?” David sits up and pulls away from her hold, but keeps a tight grip on her hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do what?” Marcy whispers, her blue eyes shining brightly with love, exhaustion, and worry.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Put aside your own feelings and make sure I’m ok. He’s your son. You should be worrying about him and wondering if you’ll ever get any part of him back.” David looks at Marcy as if he doesn’t know her — which in all actuality he knows very little of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t worry because I know you are worrying enough for all of us. Before Patrick moved to Schitt's Creek I would worry all the time. I’d lose sleep from worry because all I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Then he moved away and I worried because he didn’t talk to us, but once I met you I stopped worrying. I knew at that moment my job as his protector was done. So, now I worry about the man who worries about my son. Not because I don’t think he can do it but because I know he can and I know there isn’t really anyone to make sure he’s still above water.” Marcy explains as only a mother can and she places her other hand over the top of their joined ones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know where to start.” David whispers, “I’ve always been one who handles things on my own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did you do when Patrick came into your store and demanded you hire him? Wasn’t that you giving up control?” David can’t look at her when she speaks because he knows she sees right through his walls, much like her son.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not really, we’ve always been a team.” David shakes his head and fights back a sob, “now it’s just me again. I thought when I met him that I’d never feel alone again. Ever since my father died it’s been like Patrick is here but he’s really not. I’m alone with him right beside me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my dear.” Marcy wraps David up in her arms tightly once more. “I should’ve checked in on you so much sooner. You are never alone. Never.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two sit and comfort one another for another hour before David decides to take his leave and head to bed. He is exhausted and today has been more draining than he ever expected. Marcy and Clint had already arranged to stay in their guest room. After the events of today, David is relieved that they’ll be around should things go south in the morning. He changes into his pajamas and flips off the bathroom light. He curls up on his side of the bed, facing away from Patrick and slowly falls asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning David is woken up by the smell of coffee and the sound of soft voices. He stretches and sees he is alone, meaning Patrick is already awake. He apprehensively walks toward the kitchen — wondering if Patrick will freak out on him again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry I crashed asleep in the middle of my birthday party.” Patrick says to whom David can only guess is Marcy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David enters the kitchen, his nerves are shot and he knows he barely slept. Coffee is sounding pretty perfect right about now. He doesn’t know who Patrick will be and that makes him even more nervous.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey sleepy head.” Patrick smiles as he grabs the coffee cup his mom hands to him to pass to David.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David hesitantly takes the mug, not sure if he’s really awake yet. This version of Patrick is one he rarely sees anymore — if at all. It’s the old Patrick, the one he fell in love with. David bites his lip and sips the coffee to avoid eye contact and a verbal response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Patrick’s voice is soft and concerned as he stands directly in front of David and places each hand on David’s arms. “Did you sleep okay, David?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David unconsciously steps back from Patrick’s touch. He doesn’t want to be wary, but last night had been a turning point for him. He had finally admitted defeat and resigned to Patrick needing more than he can give. David can’t let his heart hold too much, it would hurt twice as hard to come down again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Patrick, maybe give David a moment to wake up. He looks a bit stressed.” Marcy steps in and gently directs Patrick away from David.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In his heart David wants nothing more than to just wrap his arms around Patrick and drink him up. He loves this man more than life itself and being back in Patrick’s old orbit would make the stress of this past year all worth it — if only David could trust it would last forever. The words of Patrick’s neurologist echo in his brain.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Patrick may have moments where he’s so lucid it’ll seem like everything is back to normal. However, it’s all temporary so you need to be prepared to lose them again. It may be a matter of hours or even days. But it will not last forever.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David finishes his coffee and stands up. He needs to put some space between himself and Patrick as soon as possible. He can’t handle this side of Alzheimer’s. He’d already resigned to the fact that Patrick wouldn’t remember him anymore when Patrick screamed at him yesterday.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna take a shower and then go to the store.” David announces. Marcy nods in understanding.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll go with you.” Patrick responds happily.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No!” David exclaims without thinking. Then he reals it back, “no why don’t you spend the day with your mom before she heads back home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm. Yep. I’m sure.” David nods and backs away toward their bathroom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David hides out in the bathroom until he hears the front door open and then shut. The house goes quiet and David assumes he is alone to his own thoughts. He feels awful hiding from his husband, but he couldn’t exactly have an emotional breakdown in front of Patrick without having to explain. Explaining was far beyond his emotional capabilities at this very moment in time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He steps out of the bathroom, dressed and ready for work. He lets out his breath and let’s his fears unleash upon his body as the silence continues to surround him. He’s alone and so he knows he doesn’t have to pretend — and that’s a huge relief. However, when he reaches the kitchen again he sees that Marcy is still there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Patrick left with his father to go on a hike.” Marcy pulls out the chair next to her and motions for him to sit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How upset was he that I ran away?” David sighs as he sits down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He was confused, but I brushed it off by saying you had drank too much last night.” Marcy traces a shape onto their kitchen table, “besides most likely he will forget everything again by the end of the day.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know. That’s why I couldn’t be around him. Having him back is intoxicating, but I - I.” David starts but chokes up and can’t continue.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You worry that losing him all over again would destroy you.” Marcy finishes for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David nods and braces himself against the table while leaning back and lets out a sigh. “Am I a horrible person for feeling that way?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.” Marcy reassures him. “It makes you a very strong person because it shows how much you know your limits.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But as his husband I should want to hug him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“David, look at me and hear me.” Marcy pauses for effect, “you don’t owe him anything. Losing him once is torture enough. Both Clint and I understand that you can’t put yourself through that again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David leans his head back and clears his throat. A few tears escape and he doesn’t stop them. This new normal is all so confusing to him. David just wants life to be easy again. A life where they fight over silly things and simply love one another.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What am I going to do?” David looks at Marcy, silently begging her to give him the answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We find him the right facility. It’s what he needs the most right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where do I even begin with that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a few brochures. I’ve been researching for months now.” Marcy places a soft hand on David’s shoulder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Marcy hands him the brochures and then walks away. David appreciates that she understands he needs time and space with this decision. The words all swim together as David’s emotions cloud his brain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How can he willingly put Patrick — the love of his life — in a home? David told Patrick he would love and care for him through sickness and in health. Doesn’t this qualify?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shakes his head and clears his mind to focus. He needs to come up with the best solution as soon as possible. Patrick needs to be in an environment where he feels safe. If his memory lapses within hours that means he won’t feel comfortable with David — someone he will no longer recognize.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After looking through 3 brochures for facilities a few hours away, David comes across the one located in Elm Glen. It seems quaint and homey. It’s the exact kind of environment Patrick would want to live in. There is a rose garden where the residents can take care of the roses. Near that is a small courtyard where people can sit outside and relax under the shade of beautiful elm trees. Hell, David would want to live there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulls out his phone and makes an appointment with the facility manager that afternoon. Once he hangs up, David cradles his face in his hands. He lets out all the tears he’s been holding in for a year. It’s so hard being strong for the two of them. David can’t keep doing this. He deserves better and so does Patrick. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>David walks slowly into The Birches at Elm Glen. This place is his top choice for Patrick’s continued care — if they have the availability. It’s close enough that he can visit Patrick whenever he wants but far enough away that Patrick can feel safe with his new reality. This facility is the only one that gave David a true “Patrick” vibe.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The facility manager, Tina is a warm Hispanic woman who is probably around David’s age. She wears her years of experience in her very demeanor and it displays like a badge of honor. She has the calming disposition of Marcy Brewer which puts David at ease immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walk around the grounds and buildings together all the while chatting about amenities and services. David likes this woman and hopes she gives him good news once their tour concludes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You said you were looking for a loved one?” Tina asks as she directs David back into her office.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, my husband has early onset Alzheimer’s. He forgets me sometimes and I think it’s time I look into an alternative living option.” David sits down across from her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. And here at The Birches we have round the clock nursing staff to help with those residents who are a bit more fragile. We would be able to ensure his safety at all times.” Tina pulls down some papers and more pamphlets. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Patrick’s not fragile. He can still do so many things for himself and he’s as healthy as a horse all things considered.” David argues. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, I don’t mean just physically fragile. That just refers to our patients who are in need of assistance to get through their day. Patrick would need staff available to ensure he doesn’t wander off and get lost.” Tina further explains.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ok.” David glances over the papers Tina hands him. He pauses on the financial prospectus. “A couple more questions. How soon would there be a space available and can you better explain the financials?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can move him in as soon as you’d like. We are aware that this move would require a transition period. Especially with your loved one already feeling the strain of being confused about where he is. Therefore we never rush families to finalize this decision.” Tina smiles and David wonders if this woman is ever upset.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As for financials, we will first run this through his insurance and then give you a monthly rate. But this number here,” Tina points on the paper in front of David. “Is the most accurate estimation of your loved ones care.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>David gulps at the five digit number listed, but he knows that Patrick insisted they square away funds for “a rainy day.” Their savings won’t pay for this facility forever, but it will long enough that David can figure out an alternative. If there is one thing David’s life has taught him it’s that he can’t take money with him when he dies so he knows he won’t spare any expense for Patrick’s care. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With a deep sigh, David looks up and gives Tina his final answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I would like to place my husband under your care starting next week.”</span>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! This chapter is the shortest one, but I wanted to bring this beautiful story to a close. This ends things a bittersweetly, but emphasis on the sweet. I love these characters and I know I put them through the wringer with this one, but through it all they love each other.</p>
<p>Thank you for the support through all of this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>David sat in his car, well their car actually. Patrick had bought the car for them to share about 7 years back when his car finally died for good. It had been brand new back then, but more recently had seen better days. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Much like Patrick. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David hadn’t meant for that thought to enter his brain, but enter it had. Once it was there he couldn’t make it go away. It had been about a year and a half since the diagnosis and it was as if David never existed in Patrick’s life. On good days the nurses would tell him Patrick would ask for that “cute nurse who would sit with him all day” and on bad days Patrick would throw things and scream for his fiancé Rachel. On those days David — who had witnessed a few of them — had to swallow his hurt and remind himself that Patrick wouldn’t be saying those things if he remembered who he was. Years of insecurity that had taken a long hiatus while Patrick loved him, came roaring back and David was powerless to stop the feeling of being used and recycled.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick had been living in the care facility for four months now. At first, David had visited Patrick daily during an extended lunch hour that ran from 12-2. Pretty soon he realized that even that was too much for him to handle. Patrick didn’t know him anymore and being reminded of that every day broke David right down the center. Over the last 3 months, David had been coming to see Patrick on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. That gave him enough time between visits to regroup.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Today was the start of November and there was finally a chill to the air. David watched as leaves blew across the sidewalk in front of his car. He climbed out and captured a few of the leaves. He figured he’d use them to add a bit of fall coloring to Patrick’s drab room. Despite not knowing who David was to him, Patrick always told him he loved David’s decorating sense — a statement that was a sure fire way to get David to smile. Smiles were hard to come by these days. He couldn’t find it in him to really experience joy when he’d lost the love of his life.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David held the leaves delicately in his hand and used his free hand to wrap his scarf more tightly around his neck. He braced his body against the wind and walked up the sidewalk and through the front doors. It was currently 12:30 and he kind of hoped he missed Marcy’s visit today. He wasn’t in the mood to field her sympathy on top of the sympathy from Patrick’s nurses. It had been a terrible morning at the store — thank you water leak— and he hoped it was a good day so that Patrick’s harmless flirting would at least make him smile. When he made eye contact with the front desk receptionist he hoped that her sad eyes weren’t for him specifically. He just needed one thing in his day to go right.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hello, Mr. Rose. Mrs. Brewer is still visiting, but she said you could go on back. Patrick is in a great mood today.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David gave his best half smile and waved as he walked on by. He walked down the hall toward Patrick’s room, 18A. The closer he got the more he could hear Marcy’s gentle tone. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mom, I can make my own bed.” Patrick groaned exasperatedly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David smirked at the snark in his husband's voice that he missed so much. He knew he’d never get that tone directed at him ever again — at least not like he used to.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you can baby. I just wanted to help.” Marcy’s sweet voice was probably grating on Patrick’s nerves just about now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t you have other things you need to do? Like a job or something?” Patrick groused just as David reached the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You just want me gone before he arrives.” Marcy replied with a smile, David could hear it in her voice.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” David imagined Patrick was probably looking at his feet and blushing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David decided now was the moment to enter the room. He figured Marcy meant him, which meant that Patrick was having a great day. It’s exactly what David needed, he couldn’t handle another bad day this week. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey, how’s it going today, Patrick?” David smiled, put his bag down by the door and placed the leaves on Patrick’s table.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“He started off a bit rough, but now that you’re here it’s going a bit easier.” Marcy jumped in as she gathered her things to leave.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s Tuesday. You always come on Tuesday starting at 10. You weren’t here.” Patrick responded sheepishly.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry Patrick, I had a meeting with a vendor that I couldn’t reschedule. I’m here now, and since I’m late I can stay later. Maybe we could have dinner together?” David smiled at Patrick. It wasn’t perfect, but days like today allowed David to pretend his Patrick was back for good.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Like a date?” Patrick’s eyes were so hopeful that David had to hide his chuckle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He responded with a nod and then watched as Patrick walked over to his mom.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I finally got David to go on a date with me! It only took forever.” Patrick whispered loud enough that David could hear every word.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That’s when it clicked for him. Patrick loved him, but not in the way that a husband loves the man he’s known for over a decade. No, in the newfound crush sort of way. Patrick knew his name was David, but he didn’t know him as David Rose, the love of his life. This was an opportunity for them to fall in love all over again. Not many people got a second chance at a once in a lifetime kind of love. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, you did. What have I always said. Persistence is key.” Marcy whispered gently to her son as she looked over Patrick’s shoulder at David and winked. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am glad I could finally make this happen.” David said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After that, Marcy left and David was left alone with Patrick. The two decided to bundle up and go outside for a walk. Now that they were officially “dating” Patrick gladly grabbed David by the hand. They walked the grounds hand in hand, never wanting to let go. David had to bite his lip a few times to keep himself from crying at the joy he was feeling after over a year of heartache. He knew this wasn’t a cure-all but it was an easier, kinder way to approach this horrible disease.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>What David and Patrick had wouldn’t ever be the same again, but they could get a small bit of it back. David could accept falling for Patrick all over again. Maybe this time around they would learn something new about each other. And the doctor said it wasn’t unhealthy for them to recreate a bond with each other in this way. In fact, he encouraged it because it would make things less disorienting for Patrick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As they rounded the garden a third time, David breathed in the crisp fall air and soaked in the warmth Patrick’s hand radiated in his.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>Six months later:</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David grabbed the bunch of roses from his front seat as he gathered his things to go inside. It was date night for him and Patrick, well date afternoon, and he was running late. He rushed inside and the receptionist waved him through. It wasn’t a good sign. They usually only rushed him through when Patrick was having a bad day. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He practically ran to Patrick’s room. Standing in the door he watched as Patrick agitatedly threw things around the room. He was pulling at his hair and stomping around the room. His doctor was standing off to the side with a possible sedative dose. David stepped forward cautiously.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Patrick.” David said gently and he eased closer to his aggravated husband. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick turned on a dime and relief flowed all over his features. He immediately calmed down. The love reflected in his eyes told David that he’d been frustrated over his absence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t here and I couldn’t remember your name so they didn’t understand me. Which made me even more mad.” Patrick explained as his hands made contact with David’s shoulders.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The two embraced and Patrick visibly relaxed even more. David knew being late didn’t help Patrick in the slightest. It’s why he always tried his damnedest to be on time. Old Patrick would’ve been so proud of him for this progression in his character.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh. It’s ok. I’m here now. I’m so sorry I was late.” David whispered as he pulled Patrick in tighter. He kissed his husband on the side of his head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In the last six months, David has found himself being more patient and kind. His approach at loving Patrick has been slow and steady, not hot and heavy. This time around he is learning to savor each new moment they share together. He has a new appreciation for the little things.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Patrick is learning each of David’s nuances as if they are the first time, because to him they are. But David is realizing that he loves little idiosyncrasies of Patrick’s he never took the time to notice before. Like how Patrick always plays with the hair over David’s ear when they are sitting together and Patrick is nervous. It’s something that calms him down. Old David would’ve stopped him from doing it, but New David understood how relaxing it was for both of them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He also now noticed that when they finished eating, no matter the food, Patrick would always give a small little sneeze. It was cute and honestly easy to miss, but now that David had Patrick back in some way he wasn’t about to miss anything. He paid attention even when Patrick washed his hands, the way he rubbed the soap over his skin a new revelation. David had never been an overly observant man, but Alzheimer’s, much like everything else, had changed him and Patrick.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They took more time to laugh and just be in each other’s presence now. David slowed down and loved just cuddling in bed while watching a cooking show. They were in each other’s orbits and that’s all they ever needed. It was new and exciting, but also familiar and comforting. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>David knew better now that their days were numbered and had a more definite expiration date. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so glad you are here.” Patrick whispered as he nodded off to sleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Me too.” David whispered and kissed him on the head. “Me too.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please give comments and kudos. They really encourage me and help me stay focused on my writing. Thank you!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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